Music Breeds Confidence...Except NOT AT ALL....

So, I'm a musician, therefore, I am extremely confident in myself and my abilities as such....WRONG.  I have realized over the past year that I am so ridiculously self-conscious about my musical abilities.  This self-consciousness is highlighted especially when I am around other musicians who are also good at what they do.  It is such a curse.  I find myself consistently comparing my abilities to other's, and I always seem to fall short in my mind.  Why is this?  Man, I wish I knew.  I think maybe God knows I wish I knew....and I think He is trying to show me so that it can be fixed.  So, here is the story...

            I am playing in the coffee shop here at the church on Wednesday night after one of the worship services, Eikon.  This will officially be the first time I have ever played in front of people as THE thing they are watching for the sole purpose of entertainment.  I have played in front of thousands and thousands of people over the past few years, but pretty much every time it has been while leading worship, or simply playing electric guitar sort of in the background.   But this time will be different.  I am the entertainment.  This is a fact that brings great distress to my being!!!  How nervous am I????  But that is just the back-story....Moving on.........I am sharing the night with another guy here at the school.  This dude is a ridiculously talented songwriter, vocalist, guitarist, worship leader and just musician in general.  It's an honor to share the stage with him, but such a burden as well.  I can't help but have those feelings of "worse-than".  They are definitely here.  He is also having two other amazing musicians back him up, which just adds to it all!  But here is what happened tonight.....my self-consciousness was definitely peaking tonight.  I was thinking these sorts of things: "My songs stink!  they are just simple little worship songs....My voice doesn't even compare to his...i cant play guitar like those guys...etc, etc, etc...."  So I was having this conversation with my good friend David during all of this inner turmoil....and God showed up.  We were talking about all sorts of stuff, and the topic of "God In Worship" came up.  This sparked a thought in my head that, sad to say, was a unique one to me: "God In Music."   For some reason, I realized right then that God is why I like music.  I listen to music and I hear God.  Not guitar riffs, not voices, not tone, but God.  I want to do music because it is where God is in my life.  Now, of course that's not only where He is, but He is un-deniably there.  I have been worrying about all this stuff:  other people's abilities versus my own, other peoples opinions, other people's songs, the list goes on and on.  What i have not been worrying about is God in the music.  He hasn't left it...I just forgot to pay attention to Him.  I realized all this almost instantly and got so excited about it again.  Now, instead of being ridiculously worried about having to play my music in front of people and before a way better musician on Wednesday night, I am simply SO EXCITED about playing music so that I can see God in and through it!!  What a blessing that He is there!  I can't wit o fellowship with Him through it.  I don't care if I sing off pitch...I dont care if i miss a chord....I don't care if no one in the room likes any song I play...all I care about is that I am going to get to interact with God in our own special way.  Hopefully, through that, someone else will interact with God also.  After all, isn't that the point in leading worship?  My job as a worship leader is not to play the best quality music with the least amount of mistakes...it is to stomp out a path to the throne of God by going there myself and enabling people to follow my footsteps to Hi feet.  That is why I am excited about playing music Wednesday night!  Just me, my guitar, and my God.  Bring it...